1. |
Chewing the Shadow
05:48
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Judged myself for looking forward
To the smells of Autumn
But to judge is to deny the chance to be alive
So what have I been trying to be this whole time?
Spent the Summer killing fruit flies
Spent the Fall just digging graves
In the Winter we lament the light we never spent
So I hope come Spring, you won’t find me nursing shade
Used to sing myself home from school
Used to sing myself to sleep
Now the sky is full of songs, constellations of our wrongs
And if you heard them all then you would surely weep
There are times when the Moon climbs slower
Than the bruises in the nail beds of my fingers
This is when I come alive
This is when I fill with light
This is when I am not the singer
This is when I learn to linger
I am listening in a different key
I am trying to teach my anger not to sing
From the telescope of years
From a mouthful of dead fears
I can see the shape of fallow from chewing on the shadow
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2. |
The Smile of the Lawn
04:31
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I was the smile of the lawn
My shadow swinging low in the hammock that my brother bought
Staring at the dog inside the Moon
Thinking about killing it and leaving soon
The visions started when I stopped drinking this winter passed
Now when I try to feel I feel I fail and bruise my ass
Take me to the ones who claim
That they can hold an unborn day
I read it, but I still can’t see How a Person Should Be
February came and left me heavier than January
I have only spent myself this year
It was Spring when I saw Sheila at the Banya out in Mississauga
Still had questions thicker than the steam that brought us there
Questions burning stronger than that eucalyptus air
Questions about curtains that had not always been there
Questions that I question why I question until I’m scared
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3. |
Trapped in the Theatre
04:42
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There’s nobody that I would rather be
But I would love to step outside of me
You always question everybody else
When you’re suspicious of yourself
I am the soft object of my own scorn
Obliterated by Seinfeld and porn
I die within projections of my doubt
But I die in the film even without
How can you leave when you can’t see
The exit light the screen’s too bright
Trapped in the theatre
There is nothing I would rather do
Than sing and dance and molt in front of you
But paranoia is now my go to mood
Why should the music buy me food?
I am a song exploding in the sky
I’d kill to be the shrapnel of your eye
We bring the house down with us when we fall
Soon we’ll be shadows in the hall
How can you eat when you can’t breathe
I’m buried just beneath the eaves
Trapped in the feeder
Embalmed by the ether
A bomb in the theatre
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4. |
Spelunking Into Hell
02:41
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You don’t know your own name
How could you know you’re on stage
That’s not the energy I want to put out there tonight
It’s just a cross in the wires
Something that you don’t require
I should call up my mom
Do Reiki over the phone
I’m just so mad at myself for being so mad at myself
I finally went and got help
Spelunking into hell
Try to break out of the cell
Try to rest here for a spell
Try to wrestle with the smell
Of hope and if it helps
Of hoping if it helps
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5. |
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Always went lightly
Raised by light sleepers
These days I’m too quiet
Almost afraid to wake myself up
I’m learning how to be loud
Decades of hair on my ass
With the sun roof receding above
I try to see the forest for the love
Could’ve used a machete
Or an email from the shepherd
But there’s wisdom to be harnessed from haunting the h____
I’m learning how to emerge
Just need more time with the words
Cold wind
On the night
I was supposed to play catch
The Summer grows you
But the rest it slows you
And the Sun is down again
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6. |
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Where do you think he lives now?
You think he’s in the country?
What are we supposed to do with these burgers?
Who do you think that kid was?
When do you think he moved in?
Wasn’t there something so strange about him?
Want to come to my house?
Or eat these by the high school?
Fridays just got crushed for no good reason
I am going to miss that place
I am going to miss that face
I am going to miss the way he made us call him Hank
Guess some people are that way
Guess some people never change
But I am going to miss the way he made us call him Hank
We should’ve asked for Hank
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7. |
Crash in My Heart
04:45
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Threw open the door on the 24
Driving back from the Royal City
Slammed on the brakes
Just a kid with the shakes in his dad’s car
Some mutual friends and sincerity
Can’t remember the last time
I thought about letting someone get this close to me
I still don’t care about that one thing—you know what I mean
Then I moved away and that’s okay
But once in a while I can’t help
But beat myself up for fleeing the scene
From a realness that shook me—I hope you know what I mean
It had nothing to do with you—when I see you I feel seen
These days I wake up and it all feels so far
I’m not sorry they pulled you back into the car
Because look at us now—that’s not where we are
Everything is music even if everything is hard
And I promise the next time we meet
I’ll know how to play In Your Arms
But until then you’re always welcome
To crash in my heart
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8. |
Dance Again
01:59
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Tried to write about you
But love turns ink into glue
Always been my guidance
Long before you called it that
I hope I’ve been anything to you
And we can dance again
Soon
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9. |
Even if it Rains
03:30
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I used to dream my blood out of that moment
In the car
There’s nothing I would rather be
Than a Star
Maybe then I’d get my wish
And shine down on the things I’ve kissed
But real people are really bleeding real blood
At the wheel
When’s the last time that you asked
How the cops make you feel?
The birds outside are tired and puffed
But noticing is not enough
Then one flies into the window and explodes
But it’s about to rain again
And wash away, I suppose
For now a warning on the pane
The colour of the jam I make
A signature scrawled on the glass
The texture of what we should ask
Even if it rains today
I won’t forget the bloody pane
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10. |
i am the planet
05:49
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my keys are on the hook
my wallet’s on the table
my shoes are at the door
but my feet are on the floor
i’m not going anywhere
my gloves are in the shed, where they belong
my love is in the bed, where it’s been all along
my thoughts are with the dead
and my prayers have just been fed
i’m not going anywhere
don’t care about fresh air
don’t need to feel that free
what i believe lives in the place
where i don’t care what you believe
fuck you and fuck you too
no respect for what i choose
no understanding of the life i stand to lose
i am the planet and i am the gravity
when i choose the weather you can’t get mad at me
it makes me want to cry,
but i’m too afraid to cry
i would sooner die
i think i’m the planet, i think i’m the gravity
the sun isn’t for you, no use getting mad at me
if that makes you want to cry
well then go ahead and cry
that’s no fault of mine
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11. |
On Roses
04:11
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Please don’t live lightly
Please don’t live empty
Like a bag in the wind
Don’t make me start up a book club
Don’t make me use up all of my love
For the sake of your inbox
The parade is coming to your door
Fill the tub until it floods the floor
With roses
Feel the wait of your body
Feel the wait of somebody else
As a breeze from within
Take a thing that’s not useful
And make a thing that is useful
Like a bag catching the wind
Turn your javelin into a mast
Face the mirrors down and sail at last
On roses
You could drink your way out of the sea
But the thorns would sneak in past your teeth
You could chew yourself out of the turf
But the vines would strangle everything you think that you are worth
A rose in the wind beats the breaking of skin
Arise as a friend, seeking those who can’t swim
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12. |
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River stay away from my door today
Jet fuel scar across the sky
Scraping my shadow off the floor again
It’s time to reevaluate magnetic fields
Way out in my heart there is a place I’ve yet to chart
While it sure feels good to be feeling again
There must be some times when you wish you were not alive
But that’s okay because it’s only sometimes
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